My Brain Made Me Do It!

Most of you know I’m a cowgirl at heart. I’ve been showing western horses since I was a kid.

My latest venture is into the world of reined cow horses.  What a sport!  The hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Part of my challenge has been my precious mare, Pearli.  She had a tough start and the show pen became a scary place for her. The first time I showed her, she tried to lay down rather than go into that arena.  Took 3 guys to get her in.  After that, well, Toad’s Wild Ride comes to mind.

We’ve worked hard to heal that panic.  These days,  everything in the home arena is solid.  But when we go to a show, the first run seems to become another fire breathing dragon routine.

Last week history repeated itself in Colorado.  Pearli was a little skittish outside the arena, I could feel her amping up.  I thought I had it handled. Wrong. Our first run was like a leaping lizard dancing the cha cha.

When we rode out, I was not a happy camper.  My trainer was really unhappy with me.  “You caused it all,” was all he would say.

SAY WHAT?  I CAUSED IT?  No way. She was being bad and I was the victim.

My trainer’s wife looked at me, shook her head and in her quiet way let me know that I had, indeed, been the cause.

I still denied it. I blamed Pearli yet again. I sobbed and wailed in my trailer.  I decided to quit, to move on to another sport. Maybe checkers would be more fun?

Finally, I sat down and replayed the run. I couldn’t find anything I’d done wrong.  She’d been the crazy horse.  Not me!

Before we bagged it for the night, my trainer suggested I watch my video. So I did. Nothing. Nada.  I rode great and she was a bitch.  Forget what he says. I’m innocent!  (Note: My trainer has more world championships than I have shoes. Uh huh.)

The next morning, I woke up and once again replayed the feelings and thoughts from the previous day.  Suddenly, I knew what was happening.

• We’d come so far at home.  Instead of fighting with her until she gave in, I’d learned to communicate with her softly, as if I were herding baby ducks.  She responded so well and we learned how to be quiet, together.
• When I got to the show and she started to get antsy, my old patterns and programs took over. I brought out the heavy hand.  It’s called Zero Tolerance. Even one fidget and you get a whack.  No misbehaving Pearli.  Not even a twitch. So I whacked the baby ducks. With a hammer.

Yep, I reverted back to that old response…and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT.  I would have sworn that I was riding just like I did at home. I did swear that. Over and over.

Heck,  I couldn’t even SEE me doing it on the video. I watched and watched and could not see it.  Until I had the realization.  When I watched the video after the awareness, I saw it All!  The video literally changed before my eyes. Or was it my eyes that changed????

My Brain Made Me Do It

Even with all the shifts and changes at home, my old show habits were the dominant programmed response for a show situation. My brain took me back to those habits as naturally as it would send me running from a gunman in an alley. I didn’t even know it was happening. My conscious mind had no control, no say, other than to defend my honor.

Such is the way of our unconscious minds. We spin our reality to match what we believe and expect, based on our past experiences.  We see, feel and hear what we expect to see hear and feel –  even if what we see, feel and hear has nothing to do with what actually happened.

And we wonder why history repeats itself?

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For those of you who might want to know.  Our second run was, well, soft, calm and simply lovely. No more hammers for my precious baby duck:)   Which goes to show… once we understand how our minds work, we can shift our programs…. and our reality will follow.